Into the Wild...

This is a big step.  I've toyed with the idea of starting a blog for years, but never actually took the step for various reasons--fear that no one would like what I had to say, that my life wasn't interesting enough to record, that I wasn't as funny or insightful or talented as I thought.  Tonight, however, I had an epiphany: Screw it.  Forget the haters, forget the self-consciousness, forget all that unimportant crap.  This is for me.  If someone likes it, cool.  If someone doesn't--leave, 'cause you probably weren't invited anyway, and your mother was likely a hamster.

I suppose that I should start off by introducing the main characters.  They'll be bouncing in and out as whim dictates, and sometimes may not appear at all.  Disclaimer: names have not been to protect the guilty.

First there's Bren.  She's the oldest, a precocious 11 year old with a startling (and probably genetic) ability for sarcasm and stating the obvious.  Her current interests involve Pokémon, baking, and anything written by Rick Riordan.  She is the long-suffering oldest child who keeps trying to run the house correctly but gets continually slapped down by her insufferable parents.  She also delights in her unchallenged reign as the Queen of Awful Puns.

Leah's next.  Thank goodness she's funny, because otherwise I'd have left her at a truck-stop somewhere by now.  She is the most kinetic of the minions, has a talent for non sequiturs and a penchant for squirreling.  As in, "So Bat was licking my toe, and then--Squirrel!  Let's go throw rocks at it.  Wait, what's that?  It's shiny.  I'm going to lick it." She's my superhero fan. I fought the comparison for a long time, but I must now concede that Leah is basically Louise from Bob's Burgers.  Less calculating, perhaps, a bit less violent, and certainly lacking the bunny hat, but Louise nonetheless.

Aeryn is our Feeler.  The injustices of the world can be heavy on her small shoulders, but they are balanced by her joys, which can make for a bumpy ride.  She is also Fancy, to the chagrin of her maternal grandmother, and loves to dress up, sometimes changing multiple times a day so that she is always appropriately dressed for the occasion.  Leah's sometime nemesis, she is not to be underestimated.

Janie is sweet, blonde, and fully aware of how adorable she is, something she tries to play to her advantage--I say "tries," because she has the misfortune of being number four in the lineup, meaning I've seen it all before and I'm pretty good at saying "No" almost reflexively.  She loves sloths, Pokémon, and has been known to fall asleep in cupboards.  Out of everyone, she is the least satisfied with our current location, but that is because she is small and loses body heat quickly.

Echo is thriving in her Terrible Twos.  She is just tall enough to reach what she shouldn't, short enough she can't reach what she really wants, and has no problem letting her opinion be known.  She's still freshly two, so she's still cute enough that she'd probably be the favorite if she would consistently sleep through the night.

Rick is the straight man, hopelessly outnumbered by us girls.  A Physician's Assistant by day, he is interested in politics, guns, and homesteading.  I would like to clarify that he is not some paranoid survivalist.  We prefer the term "prepared citizen."

There are two cats, Bat and Poxie.  Poxie's afraid of loud noises and sudden movements, which may or may not come from living with multiple young children.  Bat is just a jerk.  They are both fat enough that I get judging looks when I take them to the vet.

As for me, I'm the protagonist of the blog and the hero, no matter what my kids claim.  As a stay at home mom of five so far, I've got to make the hard decisions, and every day that doesn't end up with me screaming incoherently at the wall is a win.

We are often on the move, but our latest adventure brings us to Alaska.  (Yes, someone--you guess who--has already licked a pole in below-freezing temperatures.  I'm sure this individual is just getting started and is unlikely to leave Alaska with all ten fingers and toes.)  Both subjects will inevitably be revisited on a later date.

And that's us.  Nothing too extraordinary, but it's fun, and you're welcome to take the glimpse into our lives when my kids (or my husband, certainly never me) have done something so hysterical (or stupid, or both) that I just have to record it for posterity.  There will also be--apologies, but not sincere ones--the occasional posts when a rant has been building for a couple of days and I have to blow off some steam, or because politics.  Consider yourself warned.

Welcome to our crazy.