Thoughts on Mother's Day

I have started writing this several times, and deleted every one.  It was always too pompous, too wordy, and too far from what I want to say.  Now, I'm going to try being simple.

Being a mother is not just about wiping noses and rumps, diapers and dishes, cooking and cleaning.  These are things that mothers may do, but that does not mean that motherhood is a form of indentured servitude with a side of vomit.  Motherhood is not playdates and soccer practices.  It is not found in an apologetic and slightly defensive mommy-blog.  It isn't some narcissistic desire to replicate.  It isn't a sign of status. It isn't being perfect, or having perfect kids.  It isn't about outdoing Julie down the street.  It doesn't matter if you work or if you don't.  It doesn't matter whether you gave birth vaginally or with a C-section, whether you did it naturally or doped up like a prize-winning racehorse.  It doesn't matter if you adopted or had IVF.  It doesn't even matter if you have kids.

Motherhood is about service.  It's about loving other people enough to want them to do better, to offer support and guidance.  It's about sincerely wanting to help others be their best selves.  It is offering comfort, wiping away tears, speaking encouragement and strength.  It is choosing to focus on others instead of on one's own interests.  Motherhood is a way of life, a set of priorities and choices and intentions, not merely an act of biology.

Many people think of motherhood as simply checking a box on the list of things one is expected to do in this life.  We ask when they're going back to work, what they're planning to do when they're free again, as if the only measure of success and value is found in the number of zeroes on our paycheck, or how many luxuries we can enjoy.  It's an understandable confusion, because how does one measure the value of building up the lives of others?  There's no metric for love and service.  When there is no measure of greatness, of usefulness, of respect, then motherhood is clearly less important, the weaker choice, isn't it?

Years ago, Gordon B. Hinckley, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, referred to women as "guardians of the hearth." The phrase immediately brings to mind a woman in armor, standing before her home, the last and final defense for those she loves against the weariness and dangers of the world.  It is not the glory of rushing headlong to battle, of earning praise and high honors so that your name is forever remembered; it is sacrifice and humility, of staying behind to make sure the line is held at all cost, ensuring that everything that actually matters is not lost.  In a battle, you do not send all of your strongest warriors to the front and leave the weakest behind; some of your strongest you hold back to protect that which is most precious.

That is what motherhood is.

Happy Mother's Day.